I wonder…

MjAxMi1mNjgyZjZjZWJiZWVkZjE0Hello pals!

I’ve decided, in honor of, er, breathing, in addition to posting brand spanking new advice, I’ll also from time to time be reposting pieces from the Got Advice archives. Today’s entry asks the question: Superhero or Superloser?

But first, time for Mind Expansion. A friend of mine (Hi Janey!) sent me this NY Times article about Man-Repelling clothes and I thought it was worth sharing while also having a few flaws (like many of my favorite people slash shoes).

Part of me wished it were longer  because I think the idea is really interesting and raises all kinds of cool issues. But the piece totally fell down in its discussion of feminism and I want to push harder on the challenge of something called “man repellant”–i.e. without even a woman in the title, so that even while eschewing the male perspective it privileges it–to be feminist. A challenge that I think was clear in the way the article couldn’t resist trying to tie this whole thing to (heterosexual) dating. You read it and see what you think.

And in the meantime, meet a Man of Mystery:

Hi Dr. J,
i have a crush on someone…i mean I’m really in love with him!! i think he knows that i like him. I asked him to hang out with me and he said he’d love to but was busy.The next day i sent him a message to hang out with me, but he never answered. You can’t even imagine how hurt i was. i ran into him and when he said “hi” i pretended not to see him and in the middle of the night he sent me a message and said he’s so sorry about before. i asked why he didn’t answer my invitation, and in his reply he lied. When i told him i knew he was lying he said “I can’t explain why I had to say no, now, but some day I will.” i’m so confussed, does he like me or not? (oooh i almost forgot…he even gave me a love song once)


Dear Confussed—

Ask yourself this: is there any chance that this guy is a secret super hero crime fighter?

If you answered yes, congrats! I predict an exciting future for you!

If you answered no, here’s a rule of thumb: boys who aren’t secret super hero crime fighters but who–
a) text in the middle of the night
b) are hard to pin down
c) lie and
d) say they have a ‘secret reason’ they can’t get back to you
–are either Bad News or involved with someone else or both.

I know this is going to ache, but you HAVE to convince yourself to stop liking him. It doesn’t matter how he feels about you, he’s not available, and you’re going to end up getting hurt–hurt worse than you hurt right now. Think about it: if he knows you like him, which he does, then he knows he can just keep stringing you along without risking anything. And that’s what he’s doing—toying with you because he can. Which is low and disrespectful.

The truth is, from the behavior you describe, doesn’t deserve someone as special and giving as you are. Stop replying to his messages, be polite but distant when you see him, and replace the song he gave you with a cool new mix tape. Then get on with finding someone who will treat you like the cat’s meow, not a cat toy.

Be wonderful!


Dr. J

Need Advice? Mail your questions for publication to advice@michelejaffe.com. The doctor can't promise to answer them all, but she'll do her best. (By sending a question you grant permission to have it appear here. Letters may be edited. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. No blaming us later okay? Okay.)

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