manatee15Dr. J

so i like this guy, right? well apparently when I like guys, I make it really obvious. I mean, I don’t flirt with him, so much, but when I’m around my friends I talk about him nonstop. So a lot of people know that I like this guy. Well, there’s this other guy in my choir class who is obsessed with finding out who I like (he hates me basically and likes to tease me) and somehow he found out even though I made all my friends promise not to tell! I know how he found out, it was one of my other guy friends, but I am really upset and crying and distressed. This guy that I like I am already good friends with and I spend a lot of time with him! He is going to find out that I like him and it will just ruin everything between us! We are working on a music project together tomorrow in fact, and I am so upset because it will be so awkward and I don’t want our friendship to go away! Do I tell him that I like him? Should I tell him to ignore the rumors, or should I just deny it? What should I tell him and how should I react? I’m so torn and upset that he could find out! Please help!

Dear Torn,

I know this feels like Life Crashing Into Pointy Shards Around Your Feet but actually what we have here is an EXCELLENT opportunity to get more information from-slash-about Mr. Crush and possibly move your relationship in a forward direction without any real risk to the friendship.

Ha ha no, I am not writing from The Island of Insanity, population: me. Oh how you are funny.

Seriously, this is pie with pie on the side. All you have to do is:

1. Breathe. Lack of oxygen leads to poor decision making and an increase in stress, not to mention babbling like a looney tune and also, possibly death. To avoid all of those, make sure you respire.

2. DO NOT tell him you like him. Telling a guy you like him, straight out like that, is NEVER a good idea. It sets off some kind of Now-I-Will-Behave-Freakishly alarm inside of guys that is best avoided at all costs

3. If he hears a rumor about this, smile at him and say “I didn’t know you were such a gossip!”

4. If he’s still pursuing the topic, add, “It sounds like you hope the rumor is true.”

5. If he follows that up with something like “Well, is it?” You can say “Why don’t you ask me out and we’ll see.”

In other words, there’s no reason to explicitly address the situation one way or another, but by treating it like something funny, something that you take lightly rather than something that causes you to cease and desist breathing and burst into tears, you not only allow the whole thing to blow over faster, but you can actually use it TO YOUR ADVANTAGE.

Breathe. Flirt. Enjoy!airkisses,

Dr. J

Need Advice? Mail your questions for publication to advice@michelejaffe.com. The doctor can't promise to answer them all, but she'll do her best. (By sending a question you grant permission to have it appear here. Letters may be edited. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. No blaming us later okay? Okay.)

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