How do I get (over) an ex?

funny-pick-up-lines2What’s up woodchucks? Are you ready for some finger lickin’ good advice? GOOD!

Hello Dr. J!!
Im a senior in high school and I don’t have a boyfriend. Is there something wrong with me??? My friends suggest different guys but most of them are shallow and they don’t understand any of my witty comments. So is this just a sign that I should start looking for a nunnery or find 12 cats to live with? Or maybe I’m too picky?? I know people say they love the single life but it be nice to have a couple life also. Help! Thanks.

Love,
Single Senior

Dear Single Senior,

Ha ha ha twelve cats ha ha. There is nothing wrong with you for not having a boyfriend or a girlfriend or a significant other of some kind. It sounds like you just haven’t found anyone you like enough to date.

But if you are genuinely worried that you are too picky, ask yourself if you’re giving the people you meet enough of a chance to get to know your fine witty self. A person could act like a post-op lobotomy patient the first few times you meet them, but actually be really cool, just shy. On the other hand, maybe none of the people you know are for you, which means widening your search. Think of places you’ve seen people who seem interesting to you—coffee place, bookstore, arcade, comic book shop, mall, roller rink, gym, petting zoo—and go hang out there.

Basically, though, until you feel attracted to or interested in someone, there’s no reason to try to board the USS Relationship. Are you sure you really do want to date? Sometimes people think they should have a boy or girlfriend because their friends do, or movies make it look cool, or everyone tells them to, but they don’t really want one. Whatever happens, make sure you’re doing it because its what you want, not because of purr pressure.

^^^^^

OK, so.
There’s this guy. He and I dated very briefly about 3 years ago. We were both really young. He moved to another state, so we broke up. Later, he moved back, and we didn’t date again, but we both liked each other. It was really obvious. I always wanted something to happen, and imagined it would, but it didn’t. Well, I didn’t go to his school last year, but I always thought about him and we emailed and stuff. Did I mention that we were always were good friends even after we broke up? So this year, I came back to that school and we are still friends. He has a girlfriend but the problem is, I STILL ALWAYS THINK ABOUT HIM That Way!! I can’t help it. I want to stop, but I think I only like him because it’s comfortable and I know him so well and stuff. I don’t want a boyfriend. I really don’t. I just want to get over him. I always think of embarrassing scenarios in which we happen to be alone together after school…I feel so dumb because he has a girlfriend. I want to be friends with him, but I do not want to like him! Is there anything I can do to get over him? Michele, without your help, I might just go insane. Please help!!
O Confused One.

Dear O Confused One,
You may feel confused but you are also Wise. You probably do like him largely because its comfortable; also because, since he has a girlfriend, its not risky. He can be a safe outlet for your fantasies without you having to worry about actually ending up with a boyfriend if that’s not something you want.

But if thinking about him is putting the UN in FUN for you, the best way to make it stop is by consciously redirecting your mind away from him. I know it sounds hard, but you can do it. As soon as you start crafting crazy scenarios where you end up trapped on the football field alone and then the sprinklers come on and you both get wet and have to take off all your clothes except the Big Bird underoos you look extra cute in and then you are forced to huddle together for warmth, for example, send yourself a Cease&Desist order. Think instead of puppies. Or tacos. Or a sparkly shoe sale. Or some other massively distracting thing. After three days of the Forceful Redirect it will get easier; after 5 days it will start to be second nature; by 10 days you will find you hardly have to do it any more; and after two weeks, you should be cured.

^^^^^
Be HAHAlicious!

airkisses,
Dr. J

Need Advice? Mail your questions for publication to advice@michelejaffe.com. The doctor can't promise to answer them all, but she'll do her best. (By sending a question you grant permission to have it appear here. Letters may be edited. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. No blaming us later okay? Okay.)

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