I’ve never been on a date

Dear Michele,
I’ve never been on a date, even though I’ve been in college for two years. I’m afraid that there is something wrong with me and that maybe boys don’t like me. My friends think that I’m pretty. I’m tall (5’10″), smart, and I’m nice to people. What are boys thinking? Am I intimidating? What is wrong with me?
Love
Only the Lonely

Dear OtL,
There is nothing wrong with you. Except—okay, I have to ask:

Are you a throw pillow? No? Then why are you lying around on the couch waiting for someone to ask you out?

Ho ho ho. I am so sneaky slash funny. (drying eyes from laughing at self).
Seriously, all you have to do to get rid of this problem is pick a guy you like and ask him out.

Wait, what ? You’d never do that? That’s too hard?

Hee, now YOU are the funny one. Jolly joker, I can’t—
Oh. Oh I see. You weren’t joking.
Sigh.

Riddle me this: why would you think its easier for a guy to ask you out, then it is for you to ask him out? Right. So you are just going to sit around while a guy gets over everything you’re feeling? I sure hope that couch is comfy.

Here is the embarrassment-free-easy-does-it-never-fails-method for asking a guy out: say “[insert name of friend], [insert name of other friend] and I are going to the [insert place you go like movies or coffee house or lawn bowling] tomorrow, want to come with us?” Notice the strategic use of the word ‘us.’ That makes it casual. If he says no you can say, “You don’t know what you’re missing” in a sllllllllllllly, flirtatious yet lighthearted tone that will underscore the casual ‘us.’ And if
he says yes, you do a (discreet) dance of joy and then during the event make sure to pay extra attention to him so he gets the idea that you think he’s totally Jordache (has the look you want to know better).

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