Eenie Meenie Minie, Uh oh

Dr. Jaffe,

I have a boyfriend, but we are slowly falling apart. I feel like i have to literally throw myself at him to get him to notice me. I also help out at his school alot and we have all the same friends. Everyone knows us as the “it” couple.

And thats where it gets complicated.

These things started coming up where I was spending alot of time with his friends…namely his best friend…and I sort of started falling for his best friend…who is a GIRL. I have a crush on a GIRL!

This is CRAAAZY and I absolutely have no idea what to do. We are getting closer and really want to be together. She has a girlfriend, I have a boyfriend, but we dont want to end up being the reasons for so much pain.
I just wish there was a way to make everything so much easier.

What am I supposed to do?

-Friends know Best

Dear FKB,

I will leave aside the whole WE DO NOT DATE PEOPLE WHO DO NOT APPRECIATE US discussion, because it sounds like you’re ready to exit your “falling apart” relationship with your boyfriend. Which means this is a very straight forward case of Act How You’d Want Others to Act to You.

In other words, you and your new crush both need to get out of the relationships you’re in, and then you can be together. While it might be hard for your boyfriend and her girlfriend in the short term, you’d be lying to both of them if you didn’t get out now, feeling how you feel about each other.

You can’t be responsible for other people’s feelings but you CAN be responsible for how you treat them. Giving them the respect they deserve by being honest and breaking things off when they’re not working is the best and healthiest way to handle this. You can say “Look, [insert name of boyfriend], I’ve enjoyed dating you but I don’t feel like our relationship is working right now.” It might be easier than you think—from what you describe, he probably doesn’t feel like its working either.

Then when both you and your crush are free, you can reemerge as a couple. It might be a little awkward at the beginning since she’s his best friend, but if you’ve handled it openly and with honesty you can be proud of yourselves, and your former partners won’t have anything to hold against you. Then you can be happy in your new relationship, and they can find other people to be happy with too. Happily Ever After endings for everyone!


Dr. J


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