Friends For(n)ever

Ok, here goes:

My three closest friends have always gotten along great. But lately it’s seemed like they’re leaving me out of more and more things, and they just forget to tell me things.

The first time they forgot, I just shrugged it off, but it’s happening more frequently now. It’s obvious that they don’t know I care so much, but it makes me feel really bad, and I don’t know how to tell them.

I’ve never been all that great with the whole putting words together and telling someone how I feel thing. I’m not much of a talker. At all. So, if you know what I should do to tell them how I feel, I’d really appreciate it.
Thanks,
Feeling Left Out

Dear FLO,

You put the words together in your email to me brilliantly. So what I’d suggest you do is write down all the things you are feeling and specific times they did things that hurt you or made you feel excluded. Put it ALL on paper.

Then go to sleep.

The next day, read over the things you wrote down and select two or three sentences explaining how you are feeling, and one specific incident when you felt overlooked.

My favorite part of your email was where you said “Its obvious they don’t know I care so much, but it makes me feel really bad.” That’s a great line to use with your friends because there’s no way it can hurt them—you’re not blaming them, you’re excusing them and telling them why you’re speaking up. I’d open with something like that and follow with the specifics. When you have it all together, practice saying it in a calm way, so you feel in control.

Then take a deep breath and do it. I know it feels hard but its worth it—it can only make things better, and each time we try something that makes us a little uncomfortable, we become stronger and braver and more like superheroes.
(only without having to wear underwear on the outside of our clothes. Definite plus.)

That’s the end of the line for the Adviceopolis express today. Be super!

Airkisses,
Dr. J

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