Boy/Friend

Happy New Year! It’s time for delicious advice, fresh baked and piping hot from the oven. Get yours here!

Dear Michele,
I’m in eighth grade. I have a really good friend who’s super competitive with me. Well, okay, I’m competitive with her too….

…And then there’s this guy. He’s the nicest guy in the world, and I’ve had the chance recently to get to know him better and I totally adore him. But I just learned he asked out my friend! And she said she’d think about it even though I know she doesn’t like him AND she suspects I like him.

What do I do, Michele? I can’t move on from the guy so don’t even try it. What I feel for him is so DIFFERENT from anything I’ve felt for anyone else. Should I tell him how I feel? Should I tell my friend?

Most importantly, how do I stay friends with the guy no matter what happens? And equally imperative, how do I stay friends with my friend?

I’m afraid that the competition will be settled once and for all.

Luvv,
Heartbroken Girl

Dear HG,

If your two priorities really are staying friends with the guy and staying friends with your friend, then here’s what I suggest:

DON’T say anything to the guy right now. First of all, he just asked someone else out, so that would be like trying to steal him from someone, which is very un-AAB (Adviceopolis Approved Behavior). Second, telling him you like him could warp your friendship.

DO say something to your friend. Since your friend didn’t actually know you liked him—you say you think she suspected but you don’t know—you can’t blame her if she says yes to him. I’d suggest saying something to her like “I’m so jealous, I wish he’d asked me out! I really like him. You’re lucky.”

This works as a kind of test:
If she is just doing this to be competitive with you, then she’ll start dating him even though she likes someone else. Doing this she’ll be in violation of pretty much every provision of the Friends Bill of Rights including Friends are Nice to their Friends, and you should seriously reconsider how close you are to her and if she is worth your Friendship time.

But if she isn’t being competitive with you over guys, and she doesn’t like him, she’ll say, “I had no idea. I’ll tell him ‘no.’ He’s not my type anyway!”

Leaving your friendship in tact and the path to CuteGuy clear for you.

[ASIDE: It sounds like the competition between the two of you has gotten a bit out of hand. What’s going on isn’t healthy, but its not unusual: Friendship and competition can look alike from the outside because in both cases, the parties have the exact same interests and are dependant on each other.

The difference is, in friendship, this leads to two people leaning on one another for mutual support; in competition this leads to two people pushing against one another as hard as they can until one falls down in the mud. If your relationship with your friend is one you sincerely value, you should sit down with her and talk about this. Either fix your friendship or pull out of the competition before things get dirty.]

***
Dear Michele

I have a really great guy friend and we get on very well. The only trouble is he smells extremely bad and has a terrible sweat problem. What really gets to me and my friends, is that he goes around hugging me and all my friends while he is dripping with sweat. We all hate it.
When he’s sitting next to you he sometimes leans his head on your shoulder. And when he sits up normal again there is a huge sweat patch on your school uniform, this also makes everyone think we go out.
I really don’t want to hurt his feelings by explaining to him how he needs to use deodorant.
What can I do?
-No more hugs

Dear NMH,
No sweat! All you have to do is tell one of his closest guy friends what you told me and have the friend tell Mr. Sweaty to start using deodorant. Pick someone you know will be nice about it.

If you can’t think of the right person, you could tell a teacher and have them mention it to him (a PE teacher would be a good bet). But a friend would be my first choice because nobody says “You stink!” like a close pal.

***
ok,
so there is this guy at school who I thought was extremely annoying until recently. then this semester I started seeing how nice he was……. and I never really thought of him as boyfriend material until my friend asked me if I liked him. The more i think about it, the more I like him and think about him and me. but I am not really sure if i should ask him out cause what if I turn out not to like him? and a lot of people think that he is annoying but.. I dont know!

~to ask or not to ask!

Dear 2Aor not 2A,

Two four six eight
Ask him out before it gets too late
You’re lockers are close, why shouldn’t you be?
Smile, flip your hair, and invite him to a movie!
You’ve got nothing to loose and everything to gain
So come aboard the Ask-A-Guy-On-A-Date train.

I hope you enjoyed this Advice snack. Come back tomorrow for more Advicitios—like Doritos only for your miiiiiiiiiiiiiind.

airkisses,
Dr. J

Need Advice? Mail your questions for publication to advice@michelejaffe.com. The doctor can't promise to answer them all, but she'll do her best. (By sending a question you grant permission to have it appear here. Letters may be edited. Advice is for entertainment purposes only. No blaming us later okay? Okay.)

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